I'm tired. I love being a woman, but I'm tired.


Years ago, in the manager's office of the Regency Valley Plaza 6 movie theater, my co-worker, David, and I were discussing/debating politics and such, I believe we were discussing the race between Obama and Hillary for the democratic nomination. David and I were in a unique position to discuss this as he, a black man, believed Hillary would absolutely get it because she was white and I, a white woman, staunchly believed she didn't have a chance in hell because she was a woman, regardless of her race. That day it boiled down to us saying to each other -- David, "I will never know what it is to be a white woman." Myself, "I will never know what it is to be a black man."

I am a sympathetic person, sometimes to a fault. I will be the first to drive my tiny car into the mud to help pull your car out; I'm the one people come to looking for favors, most especially when it comes to my car or tools... I don't like to say no, I don't like to be the bad guy, but there comes a point when I have to put myself first. 

Every day, I pull myself out of bed to face another day. Another day I am catcalled, offered "oral pleasure" and assured the offerer is the best I'll ever have; I am babied by some men, teased by others, and bullied by other women. Every day, I come home to male roommates who have no clue how to communicate or respect me as a woman. As the sole woman of the house and not as a girlfriend who has been perpetually crashing at her boyfriend's house for two months. My room is entered, things have been taken, food eaten. I am spoken to in a condescending manner, but most often, I am ignored. 

My choice is to either be ignored or objectified. I choose neither, I stand up for myself and I am called a "bitch". I am called "crazy". I am called "irresponsible". 

I am tired. I have it better than my women-sisters before me, but we still have so much work to do. I still make less than my male co-workers for the same job. I am still required to walk down the street with mace because we are still taught "don't get raped" instead of "don't rape". 

I dream of a place I can come home to where I am comfortable sitting on the porch with my housemates, where I don't have to be a party of the relationship in the next room, where I have the option of locking my bedroom door and not be questioned. This place might exist in the same world where I can ride my bike happily without my ass being "complimented" like it's some new thing I didn't know was fine. 

In conclusion, fuck the patriarchy.